Blended Family

For all their joys, weddings are sometimes charged with potentially explosive situations.  These may be the feelings of the divorced parents, stepparents and children, either yours or your groom's.

The main rule to remember is not to push.  Include the children in all appropriate prenuptial planning and festivities, but be sensitive to their reactions.  When discussing wedding plans involving children, keep the discussion as amicable as possible no matter what the relationship with the former wife or husband is like.

As you merge your families there are many ways to include the children beyond the traditional wedding party. Many ceremonies include vows for children emphasizing the formation of the new family and recognizing their place in it.  Ask the children if they want to participate in such vows, and respect their decision and feelings.

Children may shun the speaking role, but be eager to be in the wedding party.  It would be appropriate to consider them for ring bearer,  altar boy, usher, flower girl, bridesmaid, guest book, or gift attendant. If the children choose only to attend the wedding as guests, accept this decision gracefully.  Make arrangements for special seating, perhaps just before your parents are seated.

Be sure to include the children in the receiving line, even if they did not participate in the actual ceremony.  Introduce them in their old and new roles.  For example, "This is John's son and my stepson, Michael." As important as it is that the children understand that the new parent is in a sense marrying them, too, it is also important that they respect the new relationship between the two adults.  So, if you take a honeymoon trip right after the wedding, take it alone.  Plan a special family trip later, but reserve the honeymoon just for you and your groom.

Probably the most important thing you can do is avoid making any assumptions...about anything.  Be open and communicate with them. Including the children in the nuptial ceremony can enhance the wedding and lend a firm base to your new, blended family.